I was born without a father, and a mother who could not support me. From that time up until I was 8, I lived with my grandfather the only person I ever truly loved. He died and I soon lived with my aunt and uncle in an abusive relationship that lasted for 10 years of hell. They would beat me for the smallest mistakes like spilling water. In school I went to a catholic school and foolishly listened to shit like god is always with you or whatever. I was also bullied due to my weight and race(filipino) and was withdrawn from school where I went from getting As up till middle school where I started getting Fs. I was afraid of my grades and givng them to my aunt, and my uncle who is a snitch and has no control over his wife would say the smallest negative things and they would beat me. In 8th grade I had great friends but eventually got involved with drugs and lsot them in high school where I became a loner. I was suicidal and there was this one girl who I had a crush on and she stopped me. I fell in love with her but things changed and I treated her as my gf which ruined everything and with the drugs and all. I became so angry at life, at god and every fucking thing My uncle who is alcoholic would start shit with me when he was drunk and one day I went mad and told him to fucking die then punched him. I also pushed my aunt and started punching holes in the house. After those incidents I became abusive to them. If I didnt get what I wanted I would use fear and then get it. My mother finally took me back after they said they couldnt control me anymore. I dont do drugs at all and I do MMA and jiu jitsu. Ive had some tough shit I dealt with and i think I mihgt me insane. I was diagnozed with ADHD when I was younger and also I crave attention good or bad.

Heres some things about me:
I have a terrible temper, I lash out unexpectedly and explosively
I like hurting people, emotionally and physically. I love watching people suffer for hurting me
I am insecure about everything. My looks, my skills, I feel like I suck at everything I do
I fish out compliments from coaches and defend myself against critism
I dont trust anyone, not my friends or family
I have intense and frequent mood swings
I self loathe at times, and then other times feel like im a God.
I would rather be alone than hang out with friends
I have an intense hatred for humanity
I hate everything thats trendy or popular crap like reality TV or shitty music
I love dogs and cats more than people
I want to kill off all rapists and child abusers in this world
I hate men who hit or harm women, and want them to die a painful death
I often think of death alot and what would happen if I died
I like sports with extreme physical contact like boxing MMA and jiu jitsu
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change everything
I like inflicting pain and recieving it so I can deal it to them a thousand times fold
I hate my half siblings and my stepfather
I hate religion, god and everything
I idolize the Fight Club Character Tyler Durden and everything he stands for
I became a bully in high school and I still have those bully tendencies at times

I just dont understand what I am. I want to get rid of all this hate and anger. I just want to make my grandfather proud someday. My dream is to become the UFC champion.

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