How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it

What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
“Dam!”

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho Cheese

What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck

What’s the difference between roast beef and peasoup?
Anyone can roast beef

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers

Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The location of the dirt bag

Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, WHACK! “Damn.”
A bad skydiver goes, “Damn.” WHACK!

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it!

What do you call skydiving lawyers?
Skeet

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer