Help. ‘Relationship’ crisis. Eek!?
ByOk. I’m a 19 year old girl who has never been in a relationship, never been close to a guy, never really been shown much affection.. I met a 21 year old guy online (sad, i know) a few months ago and we’ve been chatting ever since. He leaves near and last night was the 4th time we met up in person. He’s nice, attractive etc. I’d originally thought “yeah, i’ll probably kiss him” but then when it came to it, I froze. I didn’t want to. When he held me, I was so busy panicking that I didn’t even have much time to feel anything. I liked being held, but I just…didn’t know what to do. But why didn’t I want to kiss him? Does that mean that I’m kidding myself and am not interested? He’s probably like..the perfect guy, and yet i’m pushing him away. I’ve always grown up with romantic films/books and I think that’s perhaps blinded my reality…Because it’s not like that. Or is it? Should I have felt an instant rush of feelings? When I’d had a few drinks things were easier, (not drunk) but after I sobered up things became real and…frightening.. I feel *something* but maybe that’s not enough?
I guess that’s not a very good sign? It’s my birthday next week and he’s kind of inviting himself. I don’t know If i want to introduce him to my mates until I know how i feel… I don’t want to end up leading him on and hurting him, as well as myself!
He seems to really like me, and I’m not used to that at all…. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and think that he must have something wrong with him hahahaha….
Does anyone have any advice? Or similar situations? Please, I just don’t know what to do.
Thank you for reading my ramble. xx
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10 Comments
October 15th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
I think being comfortable with someone is very important. And when you meet the right person, you will probably be able to feel a lot more able to be comfortable around him. If thats the case, then things will flow alot better, and you wont be so scared of those things like kissing.
October 15th, 2010 at 9:26 pm
yep your just nervous. The first time I kissed a guy I knew I was going down that “omg I’m nervous I’m gonna freeze..” road and I just told myself to “SHUT UP AND KISS HIM!”….I guess it worked b/c he said I was a good kisser! lol.
Actually, I was even a little nervous the first time me and my current bf kissed….but then again he sort of tackled me…haha!
I always have to convince myself that I want to kiss a guy the first time anyways…and I start trying to convince myself as soon as I realize he may have potential to get that far. I have a bit of a germ phobia and…yeah….you get the idea. But kissing is amazing! I love kissing! Just tell yourself to shut up and actually kiss him next time he tries. It will be a little awkward the first time b/c you guys gotta figure out what type of kissers you are….just give it another shot!
Don’t think so much, us girls tend to think WAY too much.
October 15th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
well i’m only 17 and i’ve been in one serious relationship fro two years. i have say is that if you didn’t want to kiss him that can mean one of two things..
#1) you scared and need to take things at a slower pace because this is all new to you
or
#2) he’s just not the one
my advice go on a few more dates and see how things go, tell him that you like him but your very nervous about the whole thing and want to take it slow, sometimes good things can be blurry at first. Tell him you don’t wan to lead him on but you are interested. Once that’s on the table you should feel more comfortable and see how you really feel
October 15th, 2010 at 10:32 pm
well if its your first relationship its perfectly normal to feel that way as far as kissing goes well im a guy and like being kissed and if he was holding you then hes probably fine with it any ways my advice is that you tell him how you feal if you freeze up all the time he might take it the wrong way
October 15th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
Hey, no problem, we are here because we LOVE reading ramble !!! Seriously, if you found a nice guy, that is great. You need more time than usual to warm up to the relationship. But that’s OK. You can tell him nesxt time, that you value his friendship and his company a lot. Ask for his patience and understanding. Tell him that you want to take it slow and not rush into this. Continue to see him for recreation (movies etc.) and little by little, you will get used to his presence and eventually you will feel good and happy when you are with him. All the best
October 15th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
I want to start by saying if this guy was as perfect as you say he is, you’d be completely comfortable. Sometimes we see what we want to see. Granted, he may be a really great guy; that doesn’t mean he’s the great guy for you. It seems you’re looking for something, or expecting something to be something out of a fairy tale. Unfortunately love doesn’t go that way. After all, you’re young! You have plenty of life left to look for Prince Charming! If you’re not ready to do that yet, fine. No rush. You’re nineteen! Relax, go out, enjoy being young and single. When you’re ready to meet that perfect guy, go for it. My point is you don’t have to date every guy you think is perfect. There’s nothing wrong with meeting guys online, as long as you’re very save and cautions, and know the person well before meeting up with them. Strangers in the dark are equally as dangerous and you haven’t asked them into your life.
October 16th, 2010 at 12:14 am
do you have many options??? if you do, then you aren’t use to being admired so much, but if you don’t, then you may not like him all that much…you don’t want to hurt his feelings, so relax, talk to him, and find out how you really feel, talk to the guy…put yourself in his shoes…
October 16th, 2010 at 12:44 am
you feel uncomfortably and nervous because you’ve never been with a guy and because you really like him a lot. trust me i’ve frozen in front of the guys i like plenty of times. the first kiss is always the most nerve wracking lol. after you get over your nervousness, your feeling for him will be really strong
October 16th, 2010 at 1:31 am
feelings are unpredictable they are random… but u also have to come into account that you dont get to meet a guy like that everytime…try your best to be with him there will be times when you feel nothing and there will be time when that feeling comes back again…. things like this dont come often so give as much chance as needed.
October 16th, 2010 at 2:17 am
well the thing is that you are young and not ready for it
just relax