I’m a whore and I hat myself. What should I do?
First of all, I have a terrible hang-over, so my grammar may suffer from it.
I am 21. I have two beautiful little girls. I take care of my daughters. I have been divorced from their father for two years now. I finally have my own apartment, and in the fall, I will be a sophomore in college. I am majoring in mathematics.
Sounds nice, right?
Well, I neglected to mention that my marriage was hell. My husband hurt me every way a person can be, physically, verbally, sexually, and emotionally. He left me for another woman when I was seven months pregnant and he is hiding from paying child-support. I don’t know where he is and I want it that way.
Since then, I have seriously become a whore. I got married when I was sixteen and my husband was the first man I had ever been with. I was always faithful to him. I figured that I was just on the rebound after the divorce and that it was only a fase. I don’t think so anymore.
In two years and I have had six boy friends (Dean, Brian, Steven, Victor, Tommy, and Eli) and one one-night-stand, that I know of (I cant remember his name). Also, I date a lot, which I choose not to count. I cheated on Eli with Steven when I was drunk. I never thought I would be a cheater. That was terrible, I really loved Eli. Every time a relationship take a turn towards serious, I sabotage it.
I work at a raunchy sports bar where I have to wear lingerie. I don’t make as much money as I thought I would, but to be honest, I love it there. I’m addicted. I smoke, drink, play pool, and get paid for it. I love wearing my underwear in front of strangers. How odd. This is going to make me sound like a *****, but I am most definitely the best looking waitress their. Just a big fish in a little pond I suppose.
Last night I lost my phone, again. Also, I lost my wallet, money, id, one bra strap, and one high heel. I don’t drink often, but EVERY time that I do, I get **** faced. I black out. It is scary, embarrassing, and it is becoming a serious problem. I have blacked out at least sixty times in my life and I feel myself getting stupider with every hangover. I hate waking up and asking my friends what I did, or who I did. I don’t want to be an alcoholic. I feel out of control.
Pretty much I feel dirty. My morals have gone out the window. I can still say that I am a honest and kind person, but I have been a real whore. I don’t believe in god and I really hope I’m right.
Am I a whore? Opinions vary, but I feel like a slut. Why is it that despite the fact I want to be a good person, I drink and flirt way too much? What is wrong with me?
Please, I would really like to hear someone honest opinion.
Well sweetie, when you’ve tried everything under the sun and nothing seems to work for you and that everything is vanity and vextation of spirit, and you are still searching for something like King Solomom, but you don’t know what it is, but you know that there is something else and you can’t quite put your finger on it, and you’ve tried all of your man made doctrines and religious traditions and nothing works for you, Now try Jesus. He works. Jesus is not a religion. Learn about Him. Mathew 11: 28- 30 in your Bible and Mathew 6: 33, Romans 10: 9-13 Do it. Just one prayer is all it takes to set the captive free. I know, I was there just like you.
A whore takes money for sex…sounds like you don’t charge, but the drinking and blacking out is beyond stupid…get a grip on yourself…it doesn’t matter how many guys you “do” just use protection, get tested regularly, and keep your wits about you…the alcohol abuse is for more idiotic than you spreading your legs a few times (provided you’re on birth control and using condoms)…
Use your head for something more than growing hair…your lifestyle is not conducive to being a decent parent or to you and any healthy longevity…
My guess would be that your parents didn’t help you self-actualize your worth and beauty or you most likely wouldn’t have ended up with the abuses, who now “confirmed” who you thought you were and now you’re really living this lie. Nobody can tell you who you are, and God is the only one who created you and decided your eye color and loves you. God only judges your intentions, not your fall. You’re beautiful, but not in lingerie at a bar.