By
admin on Sunday, January 22nd, 2012 |
3 Comments
Question by : Advice on how to deal w/fiance while living w/future in-laws?
My fiance & me are living w/his parents while we save up for a house. His parents are nice people, but definately having trouble letting go of their little boy. For the most part its not so bad except for when his mom intervenes in our lives by speaking to him privately about what we should do with our money, even when she knows it’s directly in conflict w/a decision we’ve made mutually. Worst part is, he genuinely belives his parents always know what’s best, so after we’ve made a mutual financial decision, he’ll change things w/out telling me b/c his mom told him we should do something else. And when I tell him i’m upset about his mom intervening (behind my back especially), he says “they’re just trying to help”. Any Advice on this issue?
Also, he recently started a new job & is gone 12 hrs a day for 5 days a week, and 6 hours a day on saturdays. I hardly talk to him b/c he mostly only sleeps & works (which I COMPLETELY understand). Of course it sucks not having our own space, but it’s a sacrafice i can withstand for the end result. However, this weekend I REALLY felt like I needed to get away with him. Just do something with JUST him & me. I made a couple of suggestions….the beach- he said it was too much money right now (its a few hrs away+hotel), i understood…. the lake- he said “what are we going to do at the lake?!” And I said “fish, swim” He said “we don’t have any fishing poles!” so I said we could drive to our friends house & borrow theirs. He said “I don’t want to drive to Friends house AND THEN have to drive all the way to the lake (40 min drive to lake). I was upset by him not being willing to do anything, so I just went driving around by myself, b/c I HAD to get out of the house.
When I got back I cooked super, and he was watching a movie w/his dad. He asked his dad “Dad, have you seen I am Legend yet?” and his dad said no. So he’s like “Ooooh! If I go rent it will you watch it w/me?!?!” (In a very exited tone). His dad said no, he had to go to bed soon. I then told him “besides, I want you to take me out tonight. Dancing, a bar, just out!” And he was like “No…I don’t want to go out, we don’t have the money” But it’s only a couple of bucks and we CAN afford to spend a few bucks to pay a $ 5 cover to go dancing. I told him that and he just said “I just don’t want to go & SIT there with you for an hour.”
He totally blew me off. I’m really hurt, and just feel like we need just a LITTLE time alone. Any time we spend “together” is with his parents & that’s always them visiting with him. When he gets home from work he goes & sits & visits with his parents until he goes to sleep, and doesn’t spend ANY time just visiting with me. I’m becoming jealous of the time he’s spending with his parents, b/c I feel like he’s focusing all of his time visiting with them & I’m just here in the house alone. I’m glad that he has a healthy realationship w/his parents, but it’s really begining to come between us. I tried to tell him about this tonight & he just blew up & said “I guess I just shouldn’t talk to my parents at all & I should just kiss you a$ & all day long!” And ended the conversation there. How can I make him understand how I feel???
(BTW, we’ve been together for 5&1/2 yrs, living together for 4 yrs, sharing bank accounts, thus financial decisions for 3 years, and living with his parents for 3&1/2 months)
***I do want to add- I’m not going to just leave him. I’ve already promised him the rest of my life, & won’t walk away over an argument. If this issue sticks around for long enough I may re-asses, but a few weeks of rough waters isn’t enough to make me want to LEAVE him….
***I also know that it’s POSSIBLE to save up to buy a home w/out living w/parents. However- living here we can buy a home in 3 or 4 months, vs. a year or much longer on our own. We made a mutual decision to sacrafice & try to survive living here. He’s already said (multiple times) he’s prepared to get an apartment if I say the word. But I’m trying to tough it out. Like I previously said- the sacrifice now is worth the pay-off to us (and me). I AM reassessing if I can REALLY stay here or if we will just have to wait on a home. But for right now I want to keep saving. Just wanted advice on how to handle the issue, and diff. perspectives on ways to address the issue. Thanks for all advice I’ve rec’d already:).
Best answer:
Answer by Randy F
your the one who picked the mommys’ boy and now you know that you’re mommy only when mommy ain’t around
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!