by Rocklin

Question by Cupcakes =P (Ducky for BA!) =D: Can someone help me fix this poem—just fix it??? Thank you!!!! ?
I just need someone to help me fx it. By fix it, I mean– use better words or phrases because it sounds soo plain. I am not good at poetry at all. Can someone help? I cannot take out certain parts because those are the main elements of the poem- they are:

the line- “The fish leaps unnetted into sunrise”
words- hard, cold ground; hard, cold starts; man’s muscular arms; woman’s cold stare,
the bird
the tree

POEM:
In the dead silence of the early morning,
A couple watches as dawn gives life to day.
The woman stares blankly at the horizon
And the man’s muscular arms wrap the women into a hug.
The woman shudders to the sudden warmth of the man’s arms.
Her stare is hard and cold,
Like the cold stars that are melting into daylight
And the hard, cold that is warming as the sun rises.
The early morning chill reaches the birds as well.
A baby blue jay soars high in the sky
To its nest in the big maple tree.
Red and orange leaves flutter to the hard ground.
The woman takes in the beauty of nature.
She watches the pond full of fish,
Imagining their thoughts and goals.
Her eyes are fixated on one particular fish.
It is moving so elegantly and swiftly,
As she turns her head, the fish leaps unnetted into sunrise.
When it falls back into the pond,
Water droplets splash to the left,
And splash to the right.
The fish goes on about its way in a hurry,
As if it had to get somewhere on time.
One last time, before the couple heads home,
They breathe in god’s beautiful creations
And head back down the trail.

THANKS SOOOOOOOOO MUCH ANYONE AND EVERYONE FOR HELPING!!!!!!!!!!!

Best answer:

Answer by fierysunset
I don’t think it needs fixing really, nor is it plain. If it came from your heart, that is the only element necessary.

But. Having said that, if you insist on changing it, use the thesaurus, it helps me greatly in my own writing. One thing to keep in mind is that there are certain letters that effect the reader, M’s sound like ‘mmmmmm’ (one of the reasons Marilyn Monroe’s name begins with them) S’s can be sinful and hard. If you put two or more words together that begin with the same letter, you can evoke the feeling you’d like from the reader, paint the picture you want.

Hope that helps.

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