I tried to keep this short, i’ve struggled with this issue ever since i was a little kid, i would really appreciate any insight.

When i was little i insisted that my mom keep my hair short, i played with hotwheels rather than dolls, i climbed trees and loved fishing and riding bikes. I hung out with the boys and loved to get dirty. there were some pretty disturbing incidents that happened when i was about four or five.. and i remember them vividly. One time i was playing at my neighbors house, he was my age, and wanted to play “i’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” when he pulled his pants down ,i remember grabbing a pair of those plastic safety scissors and preoceeded to try to cut his genitals. not in an aggressive way, but he ran downstairs crying to his mom. needless to say i was sent home.

i also remember hooking up with other girls that were my age, “going all the way” when i was just a little kid. i don’t know why i was so sexual that young, but i would call my girl friends my “girlfriends” and when we would have sleep overs i would kiss them and preform sexual acts.

the years have passed and now i’m a freshman in college. i went through a phase in middle school and early highschool where i dated guys but never did anything romantic with them. i also dressed somewhat more “girly”. it’s 2010 now and i currently identify as a lesbian. i’ve been dating girls since 9th grade and that’s never going to change.

however, the lesbian label may change… i started crossdressing about a year ago and i’ve felt so much more comfortable ever since. every chance i get that i’m home alone, i flip my hair over my head, put a hat on, bind my breasts, and try to make myself look as manly as possible. i’ve also been obsessed with my muscles for the longest time. i’ve recently been researching transgenderism and it’s also become kind of an obsession. if anyone has any insight as to whether or not i may be transgender, please let me know, i plan on seeing a gender therapist in the near future, but when i came out as a lesbian to my parents i ended up moving out for a few months because they treated me different and didn’t accept it. so.. if i decide to transition and cut my hair (which i CAN’T wait to do! but the thought of my parents reaction scares the shit out of me) i wouldn’t know how to go about it without them knowing.. but that’s a different issue.

thanks guys!

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